just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
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