plz talk dirty to me
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
my liver is dry heaving
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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