Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Randomize
