If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
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