M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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