Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
