My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
