i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
