good thing vaginas are great cup holders
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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