He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
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