i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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