Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
