i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Randomize
