Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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