please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
