I'm drive I can fine osifer
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
