I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
