i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
