Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Randomize