I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
