I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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