Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
