I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
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