Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Randomize
