I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
im holly from the hills drunk
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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