we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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