I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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