Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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