I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Randomize
