You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
