I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Randomize
