Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
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