shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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