I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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