Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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