Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
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