we're chasing vodka with high fives
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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