Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Randomize
