: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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