K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Randomize
