From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize