she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
