i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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