WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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