Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
