OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
