he wants to bone in the snuggie
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
