so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
They took my balls.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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