Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
