If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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