have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
