i just made my gag reflex go away.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize