OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
