wrigley field is MILF paradise
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize