Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
