apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
