dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I'm like, not good at living.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
