i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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