I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
i dont even know how to be here
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Randomize