well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
