i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
