Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I think I just sharted jello shots
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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