We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
