He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Randomize
