so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
