I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
