that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
