I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
