lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
